Thursday, March 6, 2014

On the single life


I realized yesterday that it was March 5th. For most people, that day doesn't mean anything, unless of course they were like, born on that day...but for me, March 5th represents one year of being a single adult.

Granted, I spent statistically most of my life as a single person, but 3/5/13 marked the end of my first long term relationship (two years), and while it ended in a confusing way, I'm eternally grateful for all the things I got to experience while in that relationship. I learned a lot about myself, and what I want and don't want in a partner. We're still friends, so it's not a toxic relationship, thankfully.

At the time of the breakup, I was a freaking wreck. I actually did an outfit shoot that day, so in a weird way that blog post is the start of my new adult life - as a single lady.

This blog is a great way to see the progression I've gone through this year, both in the way I carry myself and the way my stance and style has changed. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I'm much more comfortable in my skin, much more up front about what I want, and much more relaxed. A lot of things can be attributed to those changes: my job at Lush, my loyal YouTube subscribers, the constant influx of new people I meet at shows, and the year of me time.

Before I started dating Andy, I was just about as inexperienced in life as one could get. The only thing I'd ever done that most people my age hadn't was end up in the hospital for nine days with a rare auto-immune disorder that could have killed me. But other than that, nadda. I was still in college, I had just been shooting shows for a little over a year, and I was in this weird limbo where I didn't know what I was doing with my life but my best friend was pregnant.

Now that I've experienced so much as an adult, I feel like I'm a more interesting person. I've grown up. And I like it. I like the person that I've transformed into over the last year. And while I'm quite anxious to start dating again (moreso lately because of a recent crush that has gone absolutely nowhere), I'm glad I've spent the last year totally and relentlessly single. Life has been less complicated, less cluttered.

While it's been lonely at times, I've had so much more clarity. And that's a good thing to have that much time to yourself before even thinking about getting into another relationship. But now I'm ready. I'm ready to start dating. I don't necessarily know how to go about doing that, since my first "boyfriend" from college basically just told me that he liked me and we hung out for three months and that was it. And Andy wooed me with a YouTube song, so nothing about my relationships up until now have been normal. I guess it makes life more interesting, when nothing is normal. When nothing starts out normal, and nothing finishes normal.

We'll see how 2014 goes. I'm just hoping I meet someone at a show. It's so much easier if the person you dig actually likes doing the same stuff as you.



2 comments :

  1. It's great how in the past year you have been able to reflect on everything and you have felt empowered and happy to have grown after a change in your life. I hope 2014 brings you what you wish.

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  2. I was watching your videos when you were still with Andy and I still watch your videos today - you were always confident... but now there is a difference in your confidence. I'm not sure how to describe it. just more... sure and sound. I was engaged at 21 and that didn't pan out, I spent the next ten years mostly single. and I tell you what... I really liked it. I am now in my first serious relationship since then and the time I spent single - the amount of "me" and confidence and maturity I bring to the relationship is so awesome. granted - I'm also 10 years older so I may just be more mature :) but honestly... this time is so good for you to grow into who you are and really embrace YOU :) the right person will happen when you and he are both ready.... whenever that may be and it will be worth it. it sounds like you are taking advantage of this time... as you should be! ps, I love your style - you make me wish I was younger and could be cool :P

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